KNIFE & WIFE
by Paul Rose
An ordinary school
Now if you would all please study the stuffed
…As I will shortly be asking questions about it.
Cakebread is one of those horrible teachers who
think they’re hip. The confused class look on at the
unseen buzzard. Jeffrey is seated near the front.
ready? Good. First question. Is this really a
unsure, Jeffrey nevertheless raises his hand.
No it isn’t?
back to reveal the “buzzard”: it’s a mature lady,
sitting on a stool.
in fact my mother.
MR CAKEBREAD’S MOTHER
Say hello to my mother, class.
kids half say “Hello, Mr Cakebread’s mother”, but it
sort of trails off into intelligible mumbles.
what does all this tell us about the buzzard’s
Jeffrey raises his hand again. Mr Cakebread motions
for him to speak.
That’s right, Jeffrey. Absolutely nothing.
Mr Cakebread’s mother starts eating a sandwich.
However, I had promised to show you a stuffed
buzzard today, and as Jeffrey pointed out, this
isn’t a buzzard, it’s my mother.
Therefore, can anyone tell me where the real buzzard
Jeffrey raises his hand.
Is that it on your head, sir?
Well done, Jeffrey.
back. The stuffed buzzard is on Mr Cakebread’s head.
indeed balancing the buzzard on my head.
Jeffrey’s Friend whispers to him.
Isn’t this supposed to be double maths?
grunt, Mr Cakebread hurls the stuffed buzzard at
Jeffrey’s Friend with incredible force. He cries out
in pain when it hits him in the face.