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15
Things You Genuinely Didn’t Know About Oliver Reed.
Oliver
Reed died from a heart attack on May 2nd 1999
while – true to form - drinking with his wife and
friends in a bar in Malta.  A little over a year later,
we’re finally getting the chance to witness Reed’s
final acting role, as Maximus’ trainer, in Ridley
Scott’s much anticipated Gladiator. In a career that
spanned over 40 years, and 60 films, Reed was once
described as “Always word perfect and unfailingly
courteous to colleagues and technicians”. However,
despite being famous for his professional behaviour
among colleagues, it was Reed’s notoriety as one of
this country’s finest hellraisers for which most will
remember him. Bubblegun is happy to add further fuel to
fire of Ollie’s legend.
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Where
Oliver Reed went, controversy would follow. Starring
in Ken Russell’s Women in Love - the first English
speaking commercial film to feature full frontal
male nudity – Reed famously wrestled naked with
Alan Bates. Reed also starred in the first film to
include the word “fuck” (I’ll Never Forget
What’s ‘Is Name), as well as the first British
film to be rated X due to its violent content
(Sitting Target).
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According
to Ken Russell, the aforementioned homo-erotic
wrestling scene was not actually included in the
original script, due to his feeling that the censors
of the time would not allow it to pass. Hearing
this, Reed was none too pleased, and apparently
demonstrated his displeasure by wrestling Russell to
the floor in his kitchen, and pinning him to the
ground until he agreed to include it…
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For
the nude wrestling, Reed admitted to considering
“a fiddle” in order to “enhance” his
performance. However, after much deliberation, Reed
simply challenged Bates to “get it out” in order
to dispel any differences between the two actor’s
cocks. Upon doing so, the pair decided there
wasn’t much in it either way, and filmed the scene
sans manipulation.
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While
on the subject of Reed’s ‘Mighty Mallet’ –
as he liked to call it – during the seventies,
Reed became famed for his ‘party trick’ which,
consisted of him exposing the thespian twig and
berries, in order to proudly display the
‘bird-claw’ tattoo that adorned them.
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Apparently,
police were once called to a remote rural location
close to Reed’s home in the early hours of the
morning, due to complaints that a number of naked
men had been seen running across fields. The naked
men were a rugby team who Reed had spent the evening
entertaining. Having consumed vast quantities of
alcohol, the whole lot of them stripped off and went
for a run through the fields surrounding Reed’s
house, their muscled white buttocks probably
glistening in the moonlight.
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Due
to his notorious public appearances while under the
influence, Reed became forever synonymous with
alcohol. It was alleged that during the stag weekend
prior to his second marriage (to long time
sweetheart Josephine, in 1985) Reed downed an
unhealthy 104 pints of beer. However, Reed was quick
to dispel this rumour: “The event that was
reported actually took place during an arm-wrestling
competition in Guernsey about 15 years ago.”
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Reed
was also famed for his various public-feuds and
opinions concerning certain well-known celebrities,
among them Shelley Winters, Lee Marvin, Richard
Harris, and Jack Nicholson. During an interview,
when asked about Jack Nicholson, Reed once stated:
“Nicholson? As far as I’m concerned, he’s a
balding midget. He stands five-foot-seven, you know.
He tries to play heavies and doesn’t quite make
it.”
-
Reed’s
comments concerning long time adversary and fellow
hellraiser, Richard Harris, were also often amusing:
“…Even though people say Richard Harris and I
have been having a great feud, it’s not true.
After all, how could be feuding for years? I’d
never heard of him until two weeks ago.
“Raquel Welch is someone I can also live without.
We’ve got some love scenes together and I am
dreading them! I cabled Richard Harris to see if he
wanted to be my stand-in for those scenes. With his
toupee and her falsies they would be perfect for
each other…”
-
Lee
Marvin, describing his first encounter with Reed,
said: “I was expecting to meet up with this actor
who was supposed to be Britain’s hellraiser, and
what do I see but this tailor’s dummy in a
pinstripe suit looking more like a fucking
banker”.
Reed, during his infamous 80s appearance on The
David Letterman Show, continued the feud by
pretending to forget Marvin’s surname, and claimed
to have “screwed Marvin at drinking” during a
drinking competition that allegedly took place
between the pair.
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During
the same show, Reed also caused David Letterman to
lose his footing by pulling him forward during their
greeting handshake; punctuated the interview by
adopting an American accent, pointing at the camera
and claiming “I’m after you, Stallone”;
replied to Letterman’s questions in German; spoke
nonsense claiming he was a fisherman who wore boots
in his ears; took the piss out of Letterman’s nose
by pressing his own down in imitation; and removed
his glasses and stared Letterman down, forcing
Letterman to plead to band leader, Paul Schaffer to
accompany him.
In fact, on both sides of the Atlantic, Reed became
well known for his “performances” on chat shows.
On The Merv Griffin Show in the 70s, Reed sat
listening attentively whilst Griffin reeled off some
anecdote about Peter O’Toole in order to
illustrate the temperamental nature of English
actors. After enduring the entire story, Reed sat
forward and, quite politely, pointed out that
O’Toole was in fact Irish, and not English. More
famously still, he once asked perma-tanned British
talk show host Richard Madley why he had “orange
skin”.
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During
his first appearance on The Tonight Show, Johnny
Carson watched on in horror as Shelly Winters –
reacting to Reed’s somewhat misogynistic comments
– poured a drink over Reed’s head. When later
quizzed about the incident, Reed stated: “My row
with Shelly Winters was caused by her abominable
lack of manners. She is getting old now and I think
she is quite crazy.”
In fact, Reed’s outspoken views on women often
landed him in trouble. Once prompted about the
fairer sex, Reed stated: “American men like their
women to have these special teeth and be perfectly
coiffured and have amazing breasts. Have you seen an
Italian mama with those kinds of teeth, that kind of
hair, and that kind of waist? They’re not like
that. They’re in the kitchen cooking for their
families – doing what they should do… I believe
my woman shouldn’t work outside the home”.
However, despite such vocal opinions on the subject,
Reed did show some elements of compromise: “I also
use women as a sex object; maybe I’m kinky.
However, I like to talk to them as well.”
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It
could never have been considered a good idea for
Channel 4 to have invited Reed to a late night,
serious debate programme involving a panel of toffs
and one lesbian feminist discussing male violence on
TV. Quizzed afterwards about his experience –
which resulted in him being ejected from the studio
– Reed agreed that he “might” have told the
feminist that he had had more fights in pubs than
“you’ve had hot dinners”, before kissing her,
quite uninvited, on the lips.
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Reed
– who once asked, “I like the effect drink has
on me. What’s the point of staying sober?” –
realised, upon his arrival at Galway airport,
Ireland, while lying drunk on the baggage conveyor,
that he was slowly killing himself with his constant
alcohol binges. He tried to make amends for his past
behaviour, which included spiking snooker star Alex
Higgins’ whisky with Chanel perfume. Higgins
reacted by squirting washing-up liquid in Reed’s
crème de menthe.
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Reed
passed away prematurely, while filming Scott’s
Gladiator in Malta. His role was completed by means
of placing a CGI replica of Reed’s head onto a
body double, comprised of various “jigsaw-like”
pieces of filming that Reed had completed. Scott
admits that it was his intention to provide Reed’s
screen career with a fitting end by having had him
utter the final line of the film. However, after
much trial and error, Scott was forced to abandon
the idea due to the lack of useable footage.
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Reed’s
views on the subject of death were relatively well
documented (and before he died he arranged to have
£10,000 out of his estate spent at his local pub,
but only for “those who are crying”).
 Discussing
potential body-disposal methods, Reed refuted the
deep-freeze method adopted by those such as “rich
Americans like Walt Disney”.
Also
slated was the idea of him being laid out for days
in his Sunday best in order to “have people
gawping at me to see what a dead hellraiser looks
like”, as was
cremation, as was burial due to his disgust
at “maggots having a ball crawling up my nose and
out of my mouth”, and burial at sea: “Who wants
to be gobbled up by a big fish and become excrement
that is swallowed up by a prawn… ending up as
mayonnaise, being nibbled at by a pretty girl… I
don’t want to be permanent shit.’”
Reed’s ideal form of post-life disposal? “I
would much rather end up a fertiliser under a
sunflower which is eventually made into sunflower
seed oil so that instead of nibbling me in her prawn
cocktail, the pretty girl will rub me on her
bristols as she suns herself on a beach in the
Caribbean”. Gawd bless you, Oliver Reed.
Gladiator
goes on general release May 12th throughout
the UK.
David
Harrison
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Born:
Robert Oliver Reed
13 Feb 38
Wimbledon, UK
Died:
2
May 1999
Films:
Gladiator (2000)
Incredible Adventures of
Marco Polo, The (98)
Marco Polo (98)
Parting Shots (98)
Bruce, The (96)
Funny Bones (95)
Severed Ties (92)
Hired to Kill (91)
Panama zucchero (90)
Pit and the Pendulum, The
(90)
Return of the Musketeers, The (89)
Revenger, The (89)
Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The (88)
Blind Justice (88)
Captive Rage (88)
Gor (88)
House of Usher, The (88)
Castaway (87)
Master of Dragonard Hill (87)
Misfit Brigade, The (1987)
Rage to Kill (87)
Skeleton Coast (87)
Captive (86)
Spasms (83)
Fanny Hill (83)
Sting II, The (83)
Two of a Kind (83)
Venom (82) Condorman (81)
Dr. Heckyl and Mr. Hype (80)
Lion of the Desert (80)
Brood, The (79)
Touch of the Sun, A (79)
Big Sleep, The (78)
Tomorrow Never Comes
(78)
Class of Miss MacMichael, The (78)
Crossed Swords (78)
Ransom (77)
Great Scout and Cathouse
Thursday (76)
Sell-Out, The (76)
Burnt Offerings (76)
Royal Flash (75)
Tommy (75)
Lisztomania (75)
Four Musketeers, The (74)
And Then There Were None (74)
Mahler (74)
Three Musketeers, The (73)
Days of Fury (73)
Blue Blood (73)
Mordi e fuggi (73)
Revolver (73)
Triple Echo (73) Sitting
Target (72)
Dirty Weekend (72)
Z.P.G. (72)
Hunting Party, The (71)
Devils, The (71)
Lady in the Car with Glasses and a Gun, The (70)
Take a Girl Like You (70)
Hannibal Brooks (69)
Assassination Bureau, The
(69)
Women in Love (69)
Oliver! (68)
I'll Never Forget What's 'is Name (67)
Shuttered Room, The
(67)
Party's Over, The (66)
Jokers, The (66)
System, The (66)
Trap, The (66)
Brigand of Kandahar, The (65)
"It's Dark Outside"
(64)
Damned, The (63)
Paranoiac (63)
Scarlet Blade, The (63)
Pirates of Blood River, The
(62)
Captain Clegg (62)
Curse of the Werewolf, The
(61)
His and Hers (61)
No Love for Johnnie (61)
Rebel, The (61)
Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll, The
(60)
Beat Girl (60) Angry Silence,
The (60)
Bulldog Breed, The (60)
Sword of Sherwood Forest (60)
League of Gentlemen, The (59)
Hello London (58)
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