KNIFE & WIFE: THE
TELLY-GANZA
So… Knife & Wife is going to
be on the telly. That’s all a bit absurd, no? In case
the news has somehow passed you by, this October
Bubblegun’s most popular Fartoon is set to cough itself
onto screens as part of Channel 4’s Comedy Lab series.
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PART 0NE
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PART
TWO
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PART THREE
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EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT:
TIM BURTON’S PLANET OF THE APES
Dated
4/3/2001, and attributed to Burton and producer Richard
Zanuck, here’s an extract from the final scene of the
film, that finally answers the question of how Burton
intends to top THAT ending…
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From the Bubblegun archives-
BURTONESQUE
There are but a few idiots who wouldn’t describe director Tim Burton as a unique visionary. Whether applying himself to the gaudy kitsch of Mars Attacks, or the dark gothic of Batman and Sleepy Hollow, there’s no denying that Burton movies don’t look like other people’s movies.
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SCHWARZENEGGER…
OR “SHIT WANKER”?
THE FADING CULT OF ARNIE
EXPLORED
Anyone
who foolishly stumbled into the needlessly unpleasant End
Of Days expecting Arnold Schwarzenegger to have
re-established himself as the Number One Action Movie Star
Of All Time, will now know that his career is all but
shafted.
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THREE OF
THE BEST...
BANDS THAT AREN’T AS GOOD AS THEY USED TO BE DESPITE
SELLING MORE RECORDS THAN THEY USED TO
There’s a profoundly worrying trend emerging within the
music market. There are certain bands - which would have
once been labelled "Indie" bands (and still are
by The Sun) - which are selling ridiculous amounts of
records, despite their more recent work being considerably
more rubbish than their early tunes.
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THE
X-FILES SPIN-OFF SPECIAL
The
X-Files can thrive and prosper, its format flexible enough
to be bent in any one of several directions. Observe now,
as we present Bubblegun’s proposals for four potential
X-Files spin-offs.
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THE
X-FILES
Exclusive
script extract and 20 Things You Genuinely Didn’t Know
About The X-Files...
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SOMEONE
Vs SOMEONE
Jason
Vs Freddie, Aliens Vs Predator, Batman Vs Superman... all
are genuine titles of films pitched to and by movie studio
executives as dream team progressions of existing - albeit
dormant - franchises.
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VILLAGE OF THE BANNED
THE MUSIC AUNTIE BEEB DIDN’T WANT YOU TO HEAR
Because society forever teeters on the brink of social,
moral and political collapse, we, as the citizens of this
society, cannot be trusted to think for ourselves.
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STAR
WARS EPISODE II:
EXCLUSIVE ON-SET PHOTOGRAPHS
Last week the first ever image from
Star Wars Episode II was published on the official Star
Wars website. Bubblegun being great, we’re able to
better even the official site, with a raft of exclusive
images direct from the set of Episode I, supplied to us by
our anonymous correspondent, Dave Ross. Here, in his own
words, is an analysis of the images.
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THE
SIMPSONS
South Park can get stuffed; The Simpsons is not only the
funniest animated show on TV, it’s the funniest TV show
of all time, ever. Even during its dodgier seasons, the
show is still one hundred times more amusing than any
other TV show on or off the air.
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HOW
TO HATE THE ENGLISH EVEN MORE
Everyone hates us English guys, and that’s OK. But
nobody hates us more than Hollywood, and specifically
actor Mel Gibson. The hunky action hero is back on movie
screens to fight the wicked English once again, in Dean
Devlin and Roland Emmerich’s lush American Revolution
tale, The Patriot.
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10
THINGS YOU GENUINELY NEVER KNEW ABOUT......
THE
QUEEN MOTHER
The
Nation’s Favourite Grandmother™,
The Queen Mother, is 100 years young! Bubblegun wishes to
join in the spirit of national rejoicing and thanksgiving
for 100 years of this wonderful, very special old woman.
Here are 10 Things You Genuinely Didn’t Know About
Her…
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MISSION:
IMPOSSIBLE 3
We can all expect a Mission
Impossible 3 sometime within the next five years. But
what, daddy, should the plot be? Bubblegun suggests
three possible storylines that truly live up to the
“Mission: Impossible” designation…
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EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK: STAR TREK - THE NEW SERIES!
Bubblegun can reveal the title of the new show, as well as the central cast of characters, and even present here a
WORLD EXCLUSIVE extract from the script for the first episode of the new show. But first, boys and girl, meet the crew
of...........
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20 THINGS YOU GENUINELY
DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT........
CHICKEN RUN… AND CHICKENS
Here’s a whole bunch of
stuff you genuinely didn’t know about Aardman, Chicken
Run – and chickens! Cluck-me-do!
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PICKING AT THE CORPSES:
WHERE POP STARS GO WHEN THEY DIE
It's a real big shame when pop stars die because, well,
because pop stars are great. However, while it's a shame
for us when our favourite recording artistes bite the
bullet (often literally), it's an even bigger shame for
their record company.
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16
THINGS YOU GENUINELY NEVER KNEW ABOUT…
GLASTONBURY
The 2000 Glastonbury Festival kicks off this Friday. For
those of you wisely choosing to stay at home, here are 16
things you genuinely didn’t know about the Glastonbury
Festival…
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13 THINGS YOU GENUINELY NEVER KNEW ABOUT…
DURAN DURAN
No, we can barely believe that Duran Duran are still going, but the New Romantic "pioneers" are back this week with a new album, Pop Trash, and an even wider face for lead singer Simon Le Bon.
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STAR WARS: EPISODE II - WORLD EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK!
Now, for the first time anywhere on the Internet, Bubblegun can bring you an EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK at Star Wars Episode II. Our spies have been busy infiltrating the production, and one has managed to get his hands on some of the pre-production artwork put together by Doug Chiang's Star Wars art department.
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BUBBLEGUN'S
SUMMER 2000 MOVIE PREVIEW
PART TWO
Hey
now - here's part two of Bubblegun's round-up of this
year's most hotly-tipped flick-me-dos.
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EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT:
THE X-FILES SEASON 8
Bubblegun has managed to get its hands on the shooting script for the first episode of The X-Files Season Eight. As you'll see, long-time fans can expect a few changes…
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16 THINGS YOU GENUINELY NEVER KNEW ABOUT....
SCIENTOLOGY
We can confirm that Battlefield Earth is as bad as they say, although not so bad that it's worth seeing in a "so-bad-it's-good" sort of way. However, contrary to
rumours, we failed to notice any subliminal messages pertaining to
Scientology....
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BUBBLEGUN'S SUMMER 2000 MOVIE PREVIEW - PART ONE
Summer's here and the time is right… for going to the pictures. Though British cinema-goers will have to wait even longer than usual for our summer blockbusters - Euro 2000 has delayed the release of the biggest films until July or later, see - the remainder of the year is shaping up to offer some fine cinematic nuggets.
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13 Things You Genuinely Never Knew About.....
Barbara Cartland
The world's most successful author and true-to-form traditional 'British' lady, Barbara Cartland passed away on May 21st just weeks before her 99th birthday.
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POP ACTS
-
WHEN MUSICIANS GO TO THE MOVIES
Oh, Mr Popstar… why you so horrible? We don't know why it is that popstars - nay, celebrities in general - think they can do anything, be it save the world from starvation, or landmines, or drug problems, or become artists, or authors, or pilots…
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SEQUEL
HELL
Hollywood
executives are ruled by one thing and one thing alone: the
almighty dollar. If someone, somewhere, hits upon a good
idea that manages to make a profit, you can be sure as
crikey that idea will be milked so hard that its teats
will wither and blacken.
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ET
II
EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT
Bubblegun presents for you an exclusive extract of the
long awaited ET II.
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CASTAWAY
2000 – SPECIAL PREVIEW
BBC1’s
Castaway 2000 has been the TV highlight of the year.
Here are ten
things we can expect from the next batch of episodes…
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14 Things
You Genuinely Didn’t Know About...
The Eurovision Song
Contest
Each year, our fine continent’s cultural trouts and
tiddlers wriggle together to suck at the very Euroteat of
Eurodiversity. They wear Euroshoes, drink Eurobooze, and
then they sing some songs and invite each other to pick
the least worst one.
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15
Things You Genuinely Didn’t Know About....
Oliver Reed.
Oliver
Reed died from a heart attack on May 2nd 1999
while – true to form - drinking with his wife and
friends in a bar in Malta. A little over a year later,
we’re finally getting the chance to witness Reed’s
final acting role, as Maximus’ trainer, in Ridley
Scott’s much anticipated Gladiator.
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THE
ART OF STAR WARS – A REVIEW
"The Art Of Star Wars explores the work of the
many creative artists involved in making the Star Wars
films. In the beginning Star Wars was the dream of just
one man: George Lucas......"
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BILL
GRUNDY vs THE SEX PISTOLS
To
those who were there at the time, it’s surprising how the once-shocking
Punk Rock ethic now seems no more dangerous to today’s youths than David
Essex seemed back in 1976.
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20 THINGS YOU GENUINELY DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT...
INDIANA JONES
Probably in
preparation for the inevitable, though heavily delayed, Indiana Jones IV,
the original Indiana Jones Trilogy – Raiders Of The Lost Ark, Temple Of
Doom and The Last Crusade – has just been re-released worldwide as a
three video box set.
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20 THINGS YOU GENUINELY DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT...
BATMAN
This
summer just gone, Batman celebrated his sixtieth year as
a comic book character, and his tenth year since
returning to the cinemas in Tim Burton’s gothic
Batman.
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ROCKASAURUS
MUSICAL DINOSAURS UNDER THE MICROSCOPE
Paul
Weller. Once upon a time an angry young man, shaking his
impotent fist at the blue faces of Tory oppression. Once
upon a time leader of The Jam, the angriest young guitar
band in Britain.
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EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT:
STAR WARS EPISODE II
Since
we published our previous extract from George Lucas’s
first draft screenplay for Star Wars Episode II, LucasFilm
has been in turmoil.
Undaunted
by the repeated threats from the LucasFilm legal
department, Bubblegun is once again presenting an
exclusive extract from that leaked first draft…
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13 THINGS YOU GENUINELY NEVER KNEW
ABOUT....
MARS
The space planet Mars has taken its punches over the years. Somehow, as far as Hollywood is concerned, it's never the little purple men from Saturn who invade Earth - it's always the green men from Mars.
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BATMAN V: SCREENPLAY
EXCLUSIVE
Bubblegun has managed to get hold of the Batman V screenplay, and at great personal risk, we present an extract her – it’s another Bubblegun exclusive!
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10 THINGS YOU
GENUINELY NEVER KNEW ABOUT....
DISNEY
Bubblegun has since been digging deep inside the bins of the Corporation itself, and discovered a 10 dark facts that Walt “Dis’nae” want you to know about.
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BURTONESQUE
There are but a few idiots who wouldn’t describe director Tim Burton as a unique visionary. Whether applying himself to the gaudy kitsch of Mars Attacks, or the dark gothic of Batman and Sleepy Hollow, there’s no denying that Burton movies don’t look like other people’s movies.
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STAR WARS: EPISODE II – THE CLONE
GAMBIT
Risking the wrath of a lawsuit, Bubblegun cannot resist printing a brief extract from an early section of the script. Read on, children.
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15 THINGS YOU
GENUINELY NEVER KNEW ABOUT...
CHRIS MORRIS
Often imitated (mostly by skanks and piss-poor websites), but never bettered, Chris Morris is arguably one of Britain’s finest comic talents, and a national treasure.
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TOMB RAIDER:
THE SCREENPLAY
Here, for the first time
anywhere, Bubblegun can present an exclusive extract of
the screenplay.
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30 THINGS
YOU GENUINELY NEVER KNEW ABOUT...
JOHN CLEESE
This
year marks the 20th anniversary of what
unquestionably remains the funniest situation comedy of
all time, Fawlty Towers.
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CAPE FEAR
There’s
a lot resting on summer’s The X-Men movie. Adapted from
Marvel Comics’ biggest-selling range of titles, if it
proves successful the cape-waving heroes could pave the
way for countless other funny book-to-big screen
adaptations.
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CASTING
COUCH - DOCTOR WHO
Shockingly, there
may be people reading Bubblegun who have never heard of
Doctor Who. For the curiously ignorant, Doctor Who ran
for almost 30 years, making it the longest-running
science fiction show in the world.
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