BUBBLEGUN'S SUMMER 2000 MOVIE PREVIEW - PART ONE
Summer's here and the time is right… for going to the pictures. Though British cinema-goers will have to wait even longer than usual for our summer blockbusters - Euro 2000 has delayed the release of the biggest films until July or later, see - the remainder of the year is shaping up to offer some fine cinematic nuggets. But hold: Bubblegun's movie preview isn't like movie previews in other magazines. Ours is an honest, hype-free appraisal of what's probably going to be a hit, and what's gonna be a-shit. Have a look, and tell us we were wrong, you flatulent crabs.
Submarines are great; they're like boats, but better. They can go underwater, and they've got these machines which go "Schwuuuusch-ping!", and everything. A sort of US-centric spin on Das Boot, U-571 finds Matthew McConaughey leading a squad of special operatives in a mission to steal the notorious Enigma code machine from a German U-Boat. Naturally, things go tits-up and the squad finds itself in charge of the sub, and being hunted by the German navy. Anticipate an old-fashioned war flick, and ignore the fact that the true story on which the film is based involved British forces, and U-571 is the first big sleeper hit of the summer. Probably
OUT: June 2nd
THE NINTH GATE
Johnny Depp directed by Roman Polanski sounds like a potentially winning combination, and, reportedly, it is. Returning to the religious horror-tinged ground as his 1968 classic Rosemary's Baby, The Ninth Gate finds Polanski directing a tale of Satanists, and the quest for a book that will unlock the Gates of Hell. On the back of similarly Catholic, ill-feted fare as End Of Days and Stigmata, this could find itself falling flatter than The Pancakes Of Hades. This shouldn't be allowed to happen though; it's both cleverer and more stylisher than both.
OUT: June 2nd
Tipped as the next Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels, Gangster No.1 boasts a stellar cast of roguish East End talent, headlined by Malcolm McDowell as the nostalgic Gangster 55. Looking back over his 30 bloody years as a Cockney tough, McDowell prepares himself for the release of the gangland boss (played by David Thewlis) he betrayed. Not as entertaining as Lock, Stock… but just as stylish. And a whole bunch more violent and sweary. Plenty of "cunts" in this one, apparently.
OUT: June 9th
It's The Great Escape, only done by Wallace And Grommit creators Aardman Animation. And with Chickens in place of imprisoned Allied soldiers. So sue us if this isn't one of the best films of the year.
OUT: June 30th
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2
The plot is wafer-thin, the characters fail to engage, and the action is disappointingly blood-less… Though US reviews were mixed, M:I2's stunning box-office performance speaks volumes: people are flocking back just to see the gob-smacking final 45 minutes of non-stop, John Woo-directed, Tom Cruise-starring smack-me-do action.
OUT: July 7th
What should have been a straight-to-video Aliens rip-off surprised everyone when it became a big hit in the States. Yes, it's an Aliens rip-off. Yes, it's full of clichéd characters and trite dialogue. Yes, you know who's going to get killed. But heck - there are some eerily effective set-pieces, and real grip-the-edge-of-your-pants moments.
OUT: July 21st
It's been out in America for something like a hundred years, and was deservedly a huge hit. Yes, it's about a family who adopt a talking mouse, and yes Hugh Laurie's in it, but with a script by The Sixth Sense's M. Night
Shyamalan, there's no reason why YOU shouldn't appropriate a child as an excuse for seeing it.
OUT: July 21st (TBC)
THE PERFECT STORM
Pre-release buzz has been high for this movie based upon the true story of some blokes who went out in a boat, got caught up in a big storm, and drowned. With Wolfgang "Das Boot" Petersen once again tackling the theme of water as the enemy, and with George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg reprising their Three Kings chemistry, AND with really, really, really big CGI waves, you can't really go wrong. That's waves as in "waves on the sea". Not giant, computer-generated hands beckoning from the shore.
OUT: July 28th
If you were left gagging for more after the fantastic The Iron Giant, this could be the dish to fill your gut. Don Bluth has produced one of the Western world's first big budget animated space operas. Stunning CGI mixes it with equally stunning animation, as the survivors of a decimated Earth fight for survival against cruel aliens. While flying around in a big spaceship. Oh daddy!
OUT: July 28th
TO BE CONTINUED