ET II Ė EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT

Steven Spielberg has long denied any desire to direct a sequel to his 1982 hit, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial. However, rumblings within the Hollywood machine have revealed that plans for a sequel to the heart-warming alien movie are in motion. With the bug-eyed brownie already appearing in a series of British Telecom commercials, and set to feature in a number of all-new video games, the stage is set for the return of one of movie historyís most enduring characters. Best of all is that Bubblegun has managed to get its hands on a copy of the second draft of E.T. II: Return To Earth, and we present for you here an exclusive extractÖ

INT. ELLIOTíS BEDROOM. NIGHT

Elliot, now a grown man, sleeps fitfully in a single bed. He hears a sound, and sits bolt upright to be confronted by his mother.

ELLIOT 
Mom! I heard a noise. I thought it might beÖ

MOM
You thought it might be ET. I know honey, I know. But ET is never coming back.

ELLIOT
(sobbing)

But why did he have to go away?

MOM
HoneyÖ

ELLIOT
Mom?

MOM
Youíre 32 years of age. Why are you still living at  home with me?

ELLIOT
Do you want me to leave?

MOM
WellÖ yes. I want to use your bedroom to store shoes in. Iím thinking of opening a mail order shoe shop, over the Internet. Iím going to call it Super Shoes.

ELLIOT
Why havenít you ever told me about this before?

MOM
I have. I keep telling you, but you donít listen. You just talk about ET all the time. And when youíre not talking about ET, youíre talking like him, and walking around on your knees pretending to be him.

ELLIOT
I know, mum. But ET was so funny! He talked funny, and he walked funny, and I loved him so much, mom.

MOM
But ETís dead, honey.

ELLIOT
Dead?

MOM
Well, erÖ I mean, gone back to his home planet.

ELLIOT
You said he was dead.

MOM
No I didnít.

ELLIOT
Yes you did. Are you hiding something from me?

MOM
No! No Iím not! And for the record you must never look in the large cardboard box that I keep in the shed! Never, do you hear me? Never! NowÖ goodnight!

ELLIOT
HmmÖ

INT. ELLIOTíS MOMíS SHED. DAY

Elliot enters the shed. Itís cluttered with tools and storage boxes. Elliot moves some of the boxes to one side, and there, at the back of the shed is a very big box. Elliot takes a deep breath, and opens the box. Elliot gasps.

ELLIOT
Dad! Dad?

ELLIOTíS DAD
(getting out of the box)
 
Hello, son.

ELLIOT
How long have you been in there?

ELLIOTíS DAD
Since about, ooh, 1979.

ELLIOT
I donít understand. Why were you in there?

ELLIOTíS DAD
I donít really know. I think it had something to do withÖyour mother. We had an argument at a restaurantÖ about the scallops, I think. And then she bet that I couldnít live in a box in the garden for twenty years.

ELLIOT
But dad, itís the year 2000 now. Youíve been in the box for twenty one years.

ELLIOTíS DAD
Then itís about time I got out!

INT. ELLIOTíS KITCHEN. DAY

Elliot runs into the kitchen, squealing with excitement.

ELLIOT
Mom! Mom! I just found dad in that box, and heís OK! Heís just doing a poo in the bushes. Mom? Mom, what are you doing?

Elliotís mother is kicking ETís corpse around the kitchen floor.

MOM
Oh. ErrÖ

ELLIOT
Is thatÖ ET?

MOM
No.

ELLIOT
Yes it is.

MOM
Well, yes. It is. But heís dead. Really dead.

ELLIOT
But I donít understand.

MOM
Iíve got a revelation to make. You see, a couple of years ago ET came back to see you. Unfortunately, I mistook him for a werewolf, and shot him dead. Iíve been keeping him in the cupboard under the sink ever since.

ELLIOT
ButÖ why?

MOM
Well, you knowÖ He makes a surprisingly effective mop.  How did you think I managed to keep my floor so clean?

ELLIOT
I donít know. The last time I asked you just laughed and said ďI use my pussyĒ.

MOM
Did I?

ELLIOT
Yes. I think you were quite drunk at the time.

Elliotís Mom laughs, nervously.

MOM
So, what are you going to do now?

ELLIOT
Iím going to play with my best friend Ė ET, the alien!

MOM
But heís dead, heísÖ

Elliot is hugging ETís corpse.

ELLIOT
Oh, ET. I love you so much.

MOM
Elliot, put that thing down. Itís all decayed and disgusting.

Elliot starts dancing with ETís corpse.

ELLIOT
Ha ha ha! This is so much fun! Wheee! Wheeee!

Elliot and ET spin around and around and around. And then ETís head falls off.

MOM
Jesus Christ, Elliot! Stop it!

ELLIOT
(picking up the head)
Oh, ET. Stop messing about!

 

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