15 THINGS
YOU GENUINELY NEVER KNEW ABOUT CHRIS MORRIS
Often
imitated (mostly by skanks and piss-poor websites), but
never bettered, Chris Morris is arguably one of
Britain’s finest comic talents, and a national treasure.
Controversial, but rarely less than ball-bruisingly funny,
Morris is part satirist, part media terrorist, and part
post-modern journalist. His bizarre new “ambient
comedy” series, Jam – a spin-off of his BBC radio show
Blue Jam – has just started running on Thursday nights
on Channel 4. It seemed like a good excuse to “fact the
love”.
- Due
to his notoriously publicity-free persona, little is
known about the origins of the Morris. He grew up in
Cambridge. His parents are doctors. He has two
brothers – a theatre director, and a playwright. He
attended a Jesuit boarding school, and went to Bristol
University. He suffered from extremely bad acne as a
teenager – the ruins of which can be witnessed on
his face today. He also has one of those giant purple
birth-mark things on his face, that he covers up with
make-up. At a funeral when he was just 18 months
old, the ringing of an altar bell prompted the infant
Morris to shout: “Bloody phone”.
- While
at Bristol University, Morris worked at Bristol’s
Radio West, assisting in the station’s news output.
He repeatedly risked being fired for tampering with
the smooth-running of the station. One time his plan
to broadcast a taped news story about a mutant cow
that couldn’t be killed was rumbled minutes before
it was due to be broadcast. Also, he would often ask
interviewees: “What do you think of beard
economics?”.
- Legendarily,
on another occasion he filled a BBC newsroom with
helium prior to the live broadcast of a story about a
train crash, and on yet another doctored the Queen’s
speech to read: “In this room my father used to
service men and women”. He was finally sacked by
Radio West in 1989, when he added a running commentary
over the top of a news story.
- In
1988 Morris interviewed Victor Lewis-Smith, now a
Daily Mirror and Evening Standard columnist, then
ground-breaking broadcaster and telephone prankster.
The pair took an immediate dislike to each other, with
Lewis-Smith accusing Morris of ripping-off his style
and jokes. Lewis-Smith said: “Imitation is the
sincerest form of being an unoriginal thieving
bastard”. Morris countered the allegations with the
comment: “He reserves the sole right to recycle his
own material so frequently, I don't know why anyone
else would bother.”
- In
1990 Morris was contacted by producer Armando Ianucci,
who was putting together a team for a new BBC Radio
spoof current affairs show, entitled On The Hour. The
show not only gave Morris his big break, but also
helped established the careers of Ianucci, his
Armistice co-presenter David Schneider, as well as
Steve Coogan, and Lee & Herring (who reportedly
fell out with their colleagues, and didn’t
contribute to the TV version of the show, The Day
Today).
- While
working on On The Hour, Morris and Coogan rang The Sun
newspaper claiming to have a tape of then Labour Party
leader Neil Kinnock drunk and raving in a restaurant.
Desperate to get their hands on the tape – which
featured Coogan’s spot-on impersonation of the Welsh
politician – The Sun sent a taxi, and £1,500 to
collect it. Around the same time, Morris fooled The
Sun’s hopeless music hack Piers Morgan into
believing he was talking on the phone to U2’s Bono.
“I can’t believe this!” exclaimed a fawning
Morgan.
- The
Day Today hit screens in 1994, and remains arguably
the best thing Morris has ever leant himself to. His
terrifying frontman persona was a barely disguised
parody of Newsnight’s Jeremy Paxman. Nevertheless,
Paxman once cornered Ianucci in a BBC lift to tell him
how much he loved the show.
- However,
Morris was very nearly not part of The Day Today team.
He walked out of the production after feeling the
pilot episode was awful. On other occasions he clashed
with Ianucci over the tone of the series. Ianucci
vetoed Morris’s sketch about the discovery of the
fossilised remains of Christ.
- In
1994 Chris Morris won Best Newcomer at the British
Comedy Awards. Commenting on an outlandish performance
by Meatloaf earlier in the evening, Morris accepted
his award with the words: “I hope this will allow me
to develop as bike a coke habit as Meatloaf.”
Meatloaf’s threats to sue were not backed up.
Meanwhile, a second series of The Day Today was
planned, but failed to materialise.
- Morris
next appeared on Radio One in an 8pm Wednesday evening
show. Inevitably, Daddy Controversy was in tow. By the
end of his run – cruelly denied further series –
Morris had announced the deaths of the still-living
Michael Hesletine MP, Jimmy Saville and Meatloaf.
He’d shouted “Christ’s fat cock!” down the
phone at Cliff Richard, called Peter Stringfellow’s
girlfriend an idiot “Just for being a woman”, and
upset the authorities at Gatwick Airport by forcing
them to page people with thinly disguised,
foreign-sounding names like “Aneeda Sheet” and
“Heidi Drahgzqueeg”.
- At
the time of his Radio One show, Morris dismissed the
controversy engulfing him, saying: “The thing is ...
most of what I do isn't that troublesome, it's just
the 1 per cent. You don't set out to run over 160
sacred weasels one by one, otherwise you end up
desperately trying to shock, like Richard
Littlejohn.”
- He
was set to return to TV in 1996 with his most
controversial offering to date – Brass Eye. Already
turned down by the BBC due to its content (which
included graphic scenes of masturbation and bum-sex)
it was eventually broadcast on Channel 4, but not
before channel controller Michael Grade had vetoed the
show. Producer Talkback Productions had by then
already invested £1 million in it. Eventually, Grade
resigned under pressure from the Channel 4 board. When
the show – effectively an evolution of The Day Today
– was finally shown in February 1997, Morris
inserted the subliminal message “Grade Is A Cunt”
into one episode. Grade wasn’t happy.
- Grade
was even less happy when he learned that Morris had
written to Nelson Mandela, asking his support to get
Brass Eye on the air. He informed Mandela that Grade
had run a campaign to keep him imprisoned. Morris also
wrote to Paul Simon with a similar request, telling
him that Grade had banned Channel 4 from showing
footage of him, because he was so ugly, and Colonel
Oliver North, alleging that Grade had abused his
position to smear his reputation.
- Other
Brass Eye upsettees included Noel Edmonds – who
threatened to sue over being conned into filming a
public service film warning against the dangers of the
fictional drug “Cake” – and fat, patronising
agony aunt Clare Rayner, who described Morris as
“sad” for similarly fooling her. Still, Brass Eye
was subject to the censor. One skit featuring a
musical starring serial killer Peter Sutcliffe was
pulled.
- Prior
to the first edition of Brass Eye hitting screens,
Morris said: “Watch this programme now, because it
will never be allowed a repeat. British law prohibits
a video release and I'm too puked out to consider a
second series. Brass Eye should put an end to the
recent spate of feeble, under-realised faux-prankster
drivel. It won't of course. It will just spawn another
host of second-rate imitators. So top this, you
quisling fucks.
“The
whole of the media is a deception, everything that happens
is a deception, cloaked in coded statements - a pay rise,
a sacking, whatever. I can't stand that high-handed
attitude that there's a proper way to behave. Everyone's
fucking about. I’m just displaying it. You can dupe
people till the cows come home as far as I'm
concerned'.”
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