| How
should the British celebrate the Queen Mother's 100th birthday? |
| With a huge
gala ball at the Millennium Dome |
4 |
0% |
| With a series
of lavish street parties, and a national holiday |
34 |
5% |
| By erecting a
large statue in her honor in the heart of London |
26 |
3% |
| By
killing a fox while ripped to the tits on gin, patronising a commoner,
and then blowing all your money on the horses |
306 |
45% |
| By doing what
they normally do every other day anyway, because, let's face it,
what's so special about the old bag, anyway? |
296 |
44% |
|
Total
Votes |
666 |
|
|
| The
BBC are planning a new Doctor Who movie. Which classic Time Lord
villains would you like to see on the big screen? |
| The Daleks
|
48 |
18% |
| The Cybermen
|
24 |
9% |
| The Sontarans
|
6 |
2% |
| The
Stinky Poo-Poo Monsters From Planet Bottom |
145 |
56% |
| The Master
|
34 |
13% |
|
Total
Votes |
257 |
|
|
| Scientists
have finally decoded the human genome. What should be the next step
for genetic engineering? |
| Search for a
cure for cancer |
21 |
4% |
| Find a way to
reverse ageing |
7 |
1% |
| Develop new
crops that could end world starvation |
6 |
1% |
| Create
a giant monster thing, that’s part crab, part dinosaur, part lizard,
and stage fights between it and other monsters in a big arena on the
moon, and broadcast the fights around the world |
256 |
61% |
| Make men’s
cocks bigger |
129 |
30% |
|
Total
Votes |
426 |
|
|
| Who do you think should have been picked to play Anakin Skywalker?
|
| Hayden Christensen |
8 |
3% |
| Tom Hanks’ son, Colin |
10 |
4% |
| Him out of S Club 7 |
39 |
17% |
| Tom Hanks |
17 |
7% |
| Vinnie Jones |
150 |
66% |
|
Total
Votes |
224 |
|
|
| Should
the law allow homeowners to use lethal force to defend their property
against trespassers, burglars, Jehovah’s Witnesses, “travellers”,
and wandering navvies who ask “D’youwantmetofixyourdriveferyousir?”
in a threatening regional accent? |
| Yes |
255 |
87% |
| No |
35 |
12 |
|
Total
Votes |
290 |
|
|
| If
you were mayor of London, which of these policies would be top of your
agenda? |
| Reducing
traffic congestion |
5 |
2% |
| Improving
public transport |
5 |
2% |
| Increasing
funding for the police |
4 |
1% |
| Building
a high-tech monorail system around the capital |
28 |
11% |
| Demolishing
Trafalgar Square, and replacing it with a 100ft high bronze sculpture
of David Hasslehoff and K.I.T.T. the super car |
197 |
82% |
|
Total
Votes |
239 |
|
|
| WHICH
ONE OF THESE CELEBRITIES PROBABLY HAS THE PUFFIEST NIPPLES? |
| Gillian Anderson
|
28 |
12% |
| Britney Spears
|
50 |
21% |
| Bruce Willis
|
15 |
6% |
| Meat Loaf |
101 |
44% |
| Oprah Winfrey
|
34 |
14% |
|
Total
Votes |
228 |
|
|
| Tomb
Raider is getting made into a movie. Which other videogame character
should get the celluloid treatment? |
| Sonic The
Hedgehog |
38 |
6% |
| Duke Nukem |
103 |
18% |
| Pac-Man |
53 |
9% |
| Tiger Woods
|
24 |
4% |
| The
L-shaped block from Tetris |
349 |
61% |
|
Total
Votes |
567 |
|
|
| If
you became a millionaire, what would you do with the money? |
| Donate most of
it to charity |
12 |
5% |
| Invest it for
your children. |
13 |
5% |
| Spend it on
cosmetic surgery. |
15 |
6% |
| Track
down everyone you ever knew, and give them a photograph of yourself
laying naked on a big pile of cash, smoking a fat cigar while a naked
dwarf blows cocaine up your ass. |
209 |
84% |
|
Total
Votes |
249 |
|
|
| What
would you most like to see happen at the Oscars? |
| Awards going only to
genuinely deserving recipients |
16 |
8% |
| Acceptance speeches kept
short and to the point. |
12 |
6% |
| A glittering entertainment
spectacular |
5 |
2% |
| Robin
Williams falling off the stage and cracking his head open and dying |
175 |
84% |
|
Total
Votes |
208 |
|
|
| If David
Duchovny leaves The X-Files, what next for the show? |
| Continue with Scully solving
mysteries solo |
14 |
2% |
| Team Scully with a sassy new
partner |
20 |
2% |
| Launch Lone Gunmen spin-off |
27 |
3% |
| Replace 8th Season with
Internet-style slideshow of still images featuring Gillian
Anderson’s head crudely grafted onto hardcore pornography |
260 |
30% |
| Launch
all-new show featuring a foul-mouthed computer-generated cartoon cat,
who lives on the moon, and spends his day sniffing craters for a
suitable receptacle to do his toilets in. |
551 |
63% |
|
Total
Votes |
872 |
|
|
| What is
the most hilariously witty thing you can say in a Chinese take-away on
a Friday night having consumed eight pints of lager? |
| “Special Flied Lice!” |
28 |
5% |
| “Plawn Clackers!” |
25 |
4% |
| “Ah so! Me so velly happy
now!” |
184 |
31% |
| “Do you
have anything without dog?” |
358 |
60% |
|
Total
Votes |
595 |
|
|
| WHO DO
YOU WANT TO PLAY LARA CROFT IN THE TOMB RAIDER MOVIE? |
| Pamela Anderson |
37 |
7% |
| Elizabeth Hurley |
202 |
40% |
| Hugh Grant |
60 |
12% |
| A complex
marionette constructed from a couple of footballs Super-glued to a
dead horse, overdubbed with the voice of James Earl Jones |
206 |
41% |
|
Total
Votes |
505 |
|
|
|
How can
Paramount Studios revive interest in its flagging Star Trek franchise? |
| Bring in young writers and
producers with fresh ideas |
3 |
1% |
| Movie uniting classic Trek
characters with The Next Generation, Deep Space 9 and Voyager cast |
5 |
2% |
| More Jedi
Knights |
148 |
58% |
| Syndicated new series
entitled “Star Trek: Counsellor Troi’s Naked Ass Cheeks Live
Hour” |
100 |
39% |
|
Total
Votes |
256 |
|
|
| HOW CAN
PRIME MINISTER TONY BLAIR IMPROVE HIS DECLINING PUBLIC APPROVAL
RATINGS? |
| Immediately pump £1 billion
into the Health Service |
62 |
20% |
| Abolish fox hunting |
18 |
6% |
| Ditch his dowdy suits for
more street-level attire, such as baseball caps, trainers, tracksuits
and handguns |
37 |
12% |
| Appear on television naked,
cradling his shaven scrotum like a baby |
82 |
27% |
| Fly
around the country in a hot air balloon shaped like a big arse,
occasionally dropping flaming bags of flour onto church steeples,
while Oasis’s ‘Wonderwall’ pumps out of an on-board stereo
system |
110 |
36% |
|
Total
Votes |
329 |
|
|
| WHICH OF
THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERISTICS SHOULD DISNEY ENDOW MICKEY MOUSE WITH TO
ENSURE HE’S RELEVENT TO 21st CENTURY AUDIENCES? |
| A sassy attitude |
23 |
7% |
| A taste for snowboarding and
ska music |
45 |
14% |
| A hot new girlfriend |
29 |
9% |
| Sociopathic
mood swings brought about by a dangerous dependency on crack cocaine
and prozac |
232 |
71% |
|
Total
Votes |
329 |
|
|
| How
should scientists prevent the impact of the meteorite that is due to
strike Earth in 2022? |
| Fire the Earth's stock of
nuclear weapons at it. |
19 |
2% |
| Devise a giant
meteor-destroying laser cannon. |
10 |
1% |
| Send a team of heroic miners
to detonate the meteor from within. |
12 |
1% |
| Move the Earth out of its
path using a big magnet thing. |
80 |
7% |
| Launch
France into space as a barricade |
1086 |
90% |
|
Total
Votes |
1207 |
|
|
| Who
should be the next president of the USA? |
| George Bush |
62 |
1% |
| Al Gore |
68 |
1% |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
241 |
5% |
| R2-D2 |
2599 |
50% |
| Pikachu |
2262 |
43% |
|
Total
Votes |
5232 |
|
|
| If you
were God, what would you do? |
| Create peace on earth |
34 |
12% |
| Move in mysterious ways |
82 |
30% |
| Settle your differences with
Satan |
20 |
7% |
| Phone up
for a pizza, and then refuse to pay when it arrives, and when they ask
why, you say: |
139 |
51% |
|
Total
Votes |
275 |
|
|
| Celebrity
Cannibalism |
| Posh Spice |
38 |
20% |
| Ally McBeal |
41 |
21% |
| Kate Moss |
14 |
7% |
| John
Goodman |
101 |
52% |
|
Total
Votes |
194 |
|
|
| What's
the most frightening thing in the world? |
| A really
good scary movie |
6 |
3% |
| A
rollercoaster ride |
4 |
2% |
| Job
interviews! |
51 |
21% |
| Having a
nightmare in which you're being chased by a masked axeman |
11 |
4% |
| Having a
nightmare in which you're chasing a naked sailor while frantically
rubbing babyoil into your pouting anus |
174 |
70% |
|
Total
Votes |
247 |
|
|
| How much
to French kiss a member of your family for no less than two minutes? |
| £5 |
38 |
25% |
| £50 |
5 |
3% |
| £500 |
14 |
9% |
| £5000 |
13 |
9% |
| £50,000 |
82 |
54% |
|
Total
Votes |
152 |
|
|
| If you
could have one super-power, what would it be? |
| Invisibility |
45 |
29% |
| Flight |
26 |
17% |
| Super-strength |
8 |
5% |
| Telepathy |
22 |
15% |
| The
ability to suck your own cock |
52 |
34% |
|
Total
Votes |
153 |
|
|
| If you
were forced at gunpoint to have sex with any animal, which animal
would you choose? |
| Camel |
29 |
10% |
| Bear |
60 |
21% |
| Hen |
35 |
12% |
| Spider
monkey |
64 |
22% |
| Jar full
of worms |
105 |
36% |
|
Total
Votes |
292 |
|
|
| What is
the worst thing ever? |
| Having someone close to
you pass away |
91 |
26% |
| Going bankrupt |
13 |
4% |
| Being jilted at the
altar |
20 |
6% |
| Biting into an apple and
finding half a worm |
25 |
7% |
| Biting into an apple
and being unexpectedly and brutally buggered by a drunk and remorseful
shepherd who insists you're his "little Dolly" |
197 |
57% |
|
Total
Votes |
346 |
|
|
| What is
the single greatest invention in the history of mankind? |
| The Wheel |
14 |
9% |
| Fire |
23 |
15% |
| The Internet |
24 |
15% |
| Pencils, cutlery - crap like that. |
37 |
23% |
| Nipple clamps |
60 |
38% |
|
Total
Votes |
158 |
|
|
| What
happens when you die? |
| You go to Heaven or Hell |
30 |
13% |
| You get reincarnated |
16 |
7% |
| You turn into a ghost |
32 |
13% |
| You rot in a box in
the ground, or get burnt to ashes in an oven |
94 |
39% |
| The other members of your pack eat you |
66 |
28% |
|
Total
Votes |
238 |
|
|
| Who is
the greatest single figure in history? |
| Jesus Christ |
177 |
35% |
| Tinky Winky |
61 |
12% |
| Barney |
34 |
7% |
| Pingu |
149 |
29% |
| Emu |
88 |
17% |
|
Total
Votes |
509 |
|
|
| In a fist
fight between Doctor Who and Captain Picard, who would win? |
| Captain Picard |
97 |
50% |
| Dr Who |
98 |
50% |
|
Total
Votes |
195 |
|
|
| Do the
Eurythmics make you want to be sick? |
| Yes |
221 |
81% |
| No |
53 |
19% |
|
Total
Votes |
274 |
|
|
| Would you
allow yourself to be French-kissed by a monkey, for money? |
| Yes |
211 |
55% |
| No |
175 |
45% |
|
Total
Votes |
386 |
|
|
| Is the
Loch Ness Monster some sort of aquatic elephant thing? |
| Yes |
138 |
62% |
| No |
84 |
38% |
|
Total
Votes |
222 |
|
|
| Is Mickey
Mouse gay? |
| Yes |
133 |
81% |
| No |
32 |
19% |
|
Total
Votes |
165 |
|
|
|
